I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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