Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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