In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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