do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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