My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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