i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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