Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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