Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
