Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
