can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ruined the universe
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize