I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
