I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize