Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
