He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
