i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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