dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
