i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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