I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
