I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
