Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
