I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
