come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
