I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
