dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
