why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
