if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
