I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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