Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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