her vagine was all disorganized.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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