I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
