I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
