I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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