so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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