Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The struggles of a small town man whore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize