It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
