when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Holy shit dude........stairs
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