How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I would ride that face into the sunset
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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