if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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