I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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