I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
