I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
