apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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