no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
