I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
not ubering you a puppy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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