shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
