Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
