wanna go halves on a baby?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
