Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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