well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
