im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Holy shit dude........stairs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
