Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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