cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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