I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
