so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize