I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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