I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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