Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
