benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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