there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I only lived at night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
