just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
