and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to rekindle our bromance
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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