It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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