return my video game
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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