we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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