I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
