That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
