My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We had sex on a dog bed..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
