no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
