she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
