Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
