i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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