I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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