I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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