he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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