so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
