I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
