i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
