Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
