I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
