So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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