Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
