i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize