So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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