Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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