Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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